So, Booth turned down the baby announcement drinks for a welcome home romp in the hay with Hannah right? Nope... this is what really happened ;) A fair bit of angst with a happy ending. I hope you enjoy, I'm a bit nervous about this one.
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Brennan was apologetic but the slight panic in her voice was evident in the message, 'Hannah, it's Temperance. I am sorry to interrupt your coital time with Booth but he's not answering my calls and it's very important that I speak with him. Please call me.'
Hannah's brow furrowed in confusion as she listened to her message but, sensing the urgency in her friend's voice, she returned the call.
'Brennan.'
'Temperance, hi, is everything alright?'
'Hannah, no, Dr Saroyan's Michelle was involved in a vehicle accident and I presume, given their past affiliation that Booth would appreciate being informed. I am sorry that it has interrupted your homecoming but could you please notify him that she is at Georgetown and currently in surgery. At this stage it's not critical though, Dr Saroyan is quite distressed.'
'Oh no! That's terrible news...' Hannah sounded concerned but rushed, 'Temperance, I'm not in DC at the moment. Perhaps you'd be best off trying Rebecca?'
Brennan floundered, 'Oh... I... ok.'
Hannah hesitated before adding, 'Look... if he's not with Parker or at his apartment, try the pool hall on 19th Street, he's ahh... he's become quite the regular there these days.'
Brennan was lost for words.
'Anyway, Temperance, I'm sorry, but I have to go. Send my regards to Dr Saroyan and please text me updates on Michelle's progress.'
'Oh... ok Hannah, goodnight.'
Brennan ended the call and spun her car around towards Booth's apartment, hoping that she would not have to go looking for him.
oOoOoOo
A sleep mussed Booth answered her insistent knocking with barely concealed anger, 'Bones, what are you doing here?'
She pushed past his tired attempt at blocking her entrance and proceeded to his couch. It had be almost a year since she had been alone with him in his apartment and it hit her like a blow to her stomach.
He considered it too but he was too angry with her for catching him out to care about what it meant, 'Bones, what do you want?'
She sighed and looked at him in the eyes, 'Michelle was involved in an accident, Booth, I have been trying to contact you. I'll wait for you to get dressed.'
The fight drained from his demeanour, 'Geez, is she ok?'
'It's not critical but Dr Saroyan would most likely benefit from your presence – she is quite distraught and I am unfamiliar with how to assist in the area of comfort. Angela is with her at the moment but, she is in no position to hold an all night vigil in her pregnant state.'
Booth sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, 'Yeah... Ok, I'll ahh... go get dressed.'
Before she could censor herself she spoke, 'Booth...'
He turned to face her.
'I spoke to Hannah.'
Booth nodded – defeat and understanding evident in his chocolate gaze. 'Yeah, I figured as much.'
Sadness crossed her face, 'I know it's not appropriate to discuss it now amidst the circumstances but, given that I once was your... close friend, I mean... I was once someone whom you could trust... I care about you, Booth...' her voice was thick with emotion, '...very much and I'm not going to let you gamble your...'
'Yeah, Bones, I know, you care about me, I get it... I'm just gonna...' he hooked a finger towards his bedroom, '...get changed. I'll be right out.'
Brennan's head fell exhaustedly back onto the back of the chair as she closed her eyes. The sarcasm in his voice was obvious even to her and it stung deeply. Tears welled behind her eyes as the events of the night, merged with the heartbreak of the last two months and washed over her emotions like a tsunami. The thought at the forefront of the surge was his hateful reaction to her concern.
Things had definitely changed irrevocably and spiralled out of control - the sudden realisation of it was physical. The thought that Booth had been so down that he had returned to gambling, the thought that she had not noticed or even suspected, the thought that he had lied to her and deceived her about it, the thought that what they had shared was now obviously and completely obliterated. The whole horrible nightmare of dread, shame and devastating loss came crashing down around her. Brennan was running to his bathroom before she could rein it in.
Booth stood helplessly in the doorway as Brennan gripped the edged of the toilet when the wave of nausea hit her again. He shifted nervously from one foot to the other, 'Bones... you ok?'
Brennan nodded, trembling from the exertion, 'Mmhmm... I am just... must have been something I ate.' She nodded again as if to convince herself that this melodramatic reaction was merely food poisoning. Though, her weak reassurance did nothing to convince either of them.
Her cover up was forgotten when a sudden shrill emanated from her pocket. She flushed the toilet and reached for her phone. Sliding to the tiles, she read the text, all the while fighting to get her breathing back to normal.
'Angela says that Michelle is out of surgery and set to make a full recovery... no internal bleeding as they originally suspected. Dr Hodgins arranged a cot for Cam and they have settled down for the night. Visiting hours begin at 9am.'
Booth slid down the doorframe in relief, 'Thank God.' With his elbows on his knees, he put his head in his hands.
Brennan, still unable to move, simply stared at her phone unseeingly.
'Bones... I'm sorry.' His voice was raw and she knew that there were many levels to his apology.
Brennan's voice hitched, 'I'm sorry too Booth... for not... for not noticing.' She gave a sad half smile as he raised his eyes to meet her teary ones, 'I should have noticed, I'm sorry.'
He shook his head resignedly, 'I didn't want you to.'
'But I know you Booth...' then in a smaller voice, 'I knew you. I... I thought you were happy. You and Hannah are good for each other. She makes you happy Booth, I don't understand... at all.'
He huffed sadistically, 'Yeah... you obviously don't Bones so, just... let it go, ok.'
Barely a whisper, 'When did you start gambling again?'
He flinched at the directness of the question and bristled, 'I dunno, Bones... you know... you chose silence over communication for seven whole months! You have no right to just waltz right on into my apartment and ask me such a personal question!'
'I was scared Booth! I was trying to get perspective! You... YOU fixed yourself as an... an obsession in my life! It wasn't healthy Booth! You were taking over every part of me - my thoughts, my feelings, my logic! I couldn't work out where I ended and you began! I still...' she sniffled, pausing her gesticulations, '...I still can't... only now you're a different person altogether and it's as if the Booth that I fell in love with never returned from Afghanistan and I've only ended up... losing you anyway!'
Brennan lowered her head into her hands - dissolving into a flood of heartbreaking sobs fuelled by exhaustion and overwhelming helplessness. She hated the fact that her life was so centred on his and she felt powerless to change it.
When her sobbing subsided, she blew her nose on the toilet paper and attempted to continue, 'I'm sorry Booth. I was... so wrapped up in my own hurt that I didn't realise you were struggling. I want to help... I only want to help you, Booth, please?'
'Yeah, well, I think I'm a bit beyond it at the moment. Just... God, is it even worth it? If Hannah hadn't said anything – you wouldn't even know! And, anyway, It's under control, Bones. It's not a big deal.'
'Booth! You have changed! I can see you have changed, it's affected you whole attitudeand it hurts! You are more than worth it! Parker is more than worth it and so is Hannah... she's a good woman Booth. She is so much more than what I could ever have been and I am grateful to her for giving that to you.'
'Right... 'cause she could love me. Even if... she didn't really know me... she still at least gave me a chance and that's more than some people right Temperance?' His words were bitter and so was his expression.
Brennan shook her head and gave a half sob half laugh, 'What do you want from me Booth? If there was anything that I could do to make you happy – I'd do it! Whatever it takes I'll do it! But I'm not conceited enough to think that your happiness hinges on my actions and I refuse to accept the blame for this!'
'Right, so what the hell are we doing on my bathroom floor Temperance? And don't give me that, 'it must have been something I ate' crap.'
She looked at him with confusion, 'I don't know what you are getting at.'
'Oh, PLEASE! Give me the decency of at least being honest! Why are we in here? Is it all too much for you Bones? What is so wrong with you that you couldn't even keep your God damn food down after realising that I am back into betting? Does it bother you that I had to remortgage this place to feed my habit! Does it get to you that Parker's college fund is now non existent! Surely you're not upset that Hannah and I broke up!' he shouted.
'ENOUGH! Yes! Yes, I was upset! I was angry! I was hurt that you lied to me and I am devastated that you are back at the place that you never wanted to return to! I didn't realise that you and Hannah broke up but, yes Booth, of course that upsets me... more than you know!' Brennan shouted through tears as Booth stood.
'So if your happiness hinges so much on mine to the point that it has you throwing your guts up in my toilet then, why the hell do you still refuse to see that my happiness is affected by you too! That's double standards Temperance and I'm done talking to you!' With the last of his rage dumped on her he vacated the bathroom leaving a stunned Brennan to soak up his words.
oOoOo
A good half an hour later, Brennan silently joined Booth on the couch under the dim light of the lamp.
Another ten minutes passed before she broke the silence, 'I'm sorry, Booth. You are correct. I concur with your statement.'
He smiled sadly and shook his head as he poured them both a shot of tequila, 'No, Bones, there's no one to blame for this mess but me.'
They each downed the liquor – coughing slightly at the burn, 'Whilst that is correct, I also accept your previous reasoning. It was ignorant to assume that my actions would not affect you to a large degree. Whilst I personally can't comprehend that my actions would have such an impact on another person, it was selfish and juvenile of me not to trust you and believe you. I'm sorry Booth.'
He nodded and poured them another shot, 'I am also, very... sorry about you and Hannah. Is it salvageable?'
What Episode Of Bones Does Booth Start Gambling Again
'No.' Booth took a deep breath and looked at Brennan out of the corner of his eyes, 'and, while we are being so honest here, I gotta say I'm just not really that cut up about it.'
'Oh?'
Refilling their glasses again, he shrugged, 'My heart just wasn't in it.'
'You said you loved her.'
'I guess, subconsciously I thought that if I told enough people that I would start believing it myself.'
Brennan looked at him perplexedly, 'That's not logical Booth.'
H e clinked their fourth round together before throwing it back, squinting through the heat in his throat, he sat back into the chair, 'Love's not logical, Bones.'
'But you just admitted that you didn't love her, Booth.'
'I did.'
'So, then you did love her?'
'No. I did just admit that I didn't love her.'
She scrunched her nose up as if he were losing his mind, 'Then why did you make reference to love's involvement in your illogical course of action if you did not, in fact, love Hannah?'
'Because love was still very much involved in my lack of logical reasoning.'
Brennan's mouth quirked into a lopsided smile and she shook her head, 'I'm sorry Booth but I am really not following your argument.'
Filling their glasses once more, he chuckled despite the evening's serious tone. Perhaps the alcohol was taking affect. 'Oh ho ho, you are, so seriously going to be the death of me, woman!'
'Booth! Are you being deliberately ambiguous?'
'Bones, are you being deliberately obtuse?'
Brennan sat up straighter in exasperation, 'No, Booth! I'm not. And I can't help but conclude that you are teasing me. Though, I cannot understand why. So, if you are done, I think that I will...'
His firm voice cut her off, 'I love you Bones.'
'What?' His voice was so sure; he had to be mocking her.
'I said I love you, Bones.
'I am in love with you.
'You fixed yourself as an obsession in my life Temperance and no matter what I do – I just can't get you out of my blood! You are like a... a... a glitch that has rewired my every thought pattern and, God help me – I can't break free of it!'
She stared at him – trying to gauge the level of truth in his statement. 'I... are you intoxicated, Booth.'
He laughed his first laugh in days, 'No, Bones. Just drunk with honesty. Though, yeah, I feel a bit happier and... warm but not enough to impair my judgement or ability to tell the truth that's been plaguing me for the last seven years... for what it's worth... however long overdue.'
'Hmm...' she nodded thoughtfully, 'I would like to take a shot.'
He obliged, filling both their glasses, completely missing her point, 'Look, Bones, I know things are...' he laughed, slightly inebriated; totally exhausted, '...well, things are screwed, really!'
'We'll work through it, Booth.' She placed her hand comfortingly on his thigh.
'I'm not pressuring you to commit to anything at the moment, Bones.'
She smiled, 'I already have but we'll get to that point.'
Bones Booth Gambling
He continued unhearing, 'I'm not asking you to declare your undying love for me.'
'I will... voluntarily.'
'Hell, I'll completely understand if you want to sever our partnership.'
'I wouldn't dream of it, Booth.'
'I'm not going to scare you by asking for 40 or 50 years.'
'I wouldn't want to limit ourselves to a figure.'
'I'm not going to tell you I'll move on because I can't.'
'Neither can I.'
'I'm not going to suggest that this is a gamble.'
'It's only a gamble if failure is an option, Booth.'
'Because, failure's not an option with us, Temperance. Whatever it takes; I will make it happen.'
She smiled and cupped his face, effectively ending his deaf ramblings, 'Because, I knew, Booth. I knew – right from the beginning.'
Booth's returning smile brought tears to her eyes, as he finished her thought...
'You can't fight fate baby!'
As, so, finally, with a kiss, the partners successfully terminated their seven year battle with destiny. Yes, things were 'screwed' (in the vernacular) but they got through it. They still fought and argued... but the make-up sex was a welcome addition to their processing.
Yes, they still wrestled with their insecurities and addictions but they now had two sets of weaponry instead of just one – thus, rendering the team essentially...
undefeated.
Thanks for reading! Please let me know how it went!
Take care!
Kate :)
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